but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
