Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
