he shaved USA in his pubs
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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