Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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