just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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