i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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