just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize