hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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