can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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