oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
