i don't like sucking hair
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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