I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
