i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
