Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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