I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
