Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
