So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
