and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Randomize
