how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
