Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
