So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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