you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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