Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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