you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Randomize
