Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
one might say we're banned from that church
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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