living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
