She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
