Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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