The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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