Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
