I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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