her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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