You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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