I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
