On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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