I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
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