if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
