Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.

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(941): View more from Florida

I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special

Fav 11 6151 1325
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(816): View more from Missouri

At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.

Fav 7 5229 1327
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(612): View more from Minnesota

Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.

Fav 9 4696 1933
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(850): View more from Florida

if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?

Fav 6 1180 1638
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(309): View more from Illinois

Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.

Fav 2 704 1596
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(438): View more from Quebec

Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?

Fav 15 919 1424
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(303): View more from Colorado

Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.

Fav 1 622 557
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(618): View more from Illinois

i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?

Fav 0 64 9
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