i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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