Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
