I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Will exercising make me less horny?
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