around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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