You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
