I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
