The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
