i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
