u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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