wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
