im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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