I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she pinky promised me she was 18
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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