Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
