i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
