she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
