I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
