so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
