i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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