I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
