bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
