I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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