Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize