FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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