I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
