gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
