I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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